Trump Unleashes “Shock and Awe”

Using the term the U.S. military coined during the invasion of Iraq in 2003. Donald Trump tweeted that “we are going to take out the mortal enemy with a ‘Shock and Awe’ campaign.” Trump then did his usual double tweet. “Bad people, fantastic, Great!”

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Sean Spicer then held an impromptu press briefing to try to explain what Trump meant.
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Spicer’s face was beat red as he stepped to the podium, word was that he had eaten 30 sticks of gum before the briefing and was having a negative reaction. Heads up: Spicer has admitted that he eats dozens of sticks of gum before noon everyday. Fact check it.
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Spicer started off by saying. “Today is a great day for this administration and all Trump supporters. Military action has been taken against the blood enemy of Donald Trump. An underhanded adversary that is cunning and uses every trick in the devil’s toolbox to defame and criticize the president. An enemy that has no morals when it comes to telling the truth. A despicable force within this great country that is the ultimate enemy of the American people. An enemy that had to be eliminated. An enemy that will be wiped off the face of the earth. An enemy that will burn in the depths of hell for all eternity.”
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“Today at 11 am eastern daylight time. The U.S. air force was ordered to take out this enemy. Fighter bombers from east coast bases conducted missions against the headquarters of CNN, The Washington Post and the New York Times. No questions you bastards. God Bless Donald Trump and the Trump administration. End of press briefing.”
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Fox News distributed the photos below
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Bombing run against the Washington Post
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CNN headquarters seconds before being blown to hell
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And finally, the final seconds before the NY Times building collapsed into a heap of rubble as it was hit by six 500 pound laser guided bombs.
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There was reports that the pilots were ready to revolt and mutiny. But a memo was handed to each pilot written by Trump himself that read: “if you disobey these orders and do not carry these missions, your immediate family and extended families will all be Fired!!”
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MAD-Magazine-Press-Changes_5949686121a834.13190268
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As reporters kept flinging questions at Spicer today after he abruptly ended the press briefing, he suddenly started to shutter, everyone in the room gasped as he began to direct some energy ray that emanated from his eyes at CNN reporter Jim Acosta.
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Acosta is in stable condition at a Washington area hospital.
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Congress Finally Allocates Limited Funds for Trump’s Great Wall

The US Congress has started to provide money for Trump’s Mexican wall. In a unanimous decision yesterday the House of Representatives and the Senate allocated $650.00 towards Trump’s pet project. Trump tweeted: “This is the beginning of a fabulous project, a project that will make America safe again. A first class initiative, a beautiful great wall. … A wall like no other wall, nothing sad about this wall, there will be no leaking through this wall. Nice!”

Photo of the placing of the first pieces of the “Great Wall”.

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The Wall in the deepest recesses of Trump’s mind.

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“unlawful possession of a wild raccoon.”

A 1st ballot police blotter Hall of Fame entry here: Alabama cops arrest Barry Larry Terry for “unlawful possession of a wild raccoon.”

MOULTON, Ala. – A fake mug shot posted by the Moulton city police department has garnered a lot of social media attention.

“I was very surprised. I think we are up to 6,000 shares,” said Officer Russell Graham.

Russell Graham is a Moulton City Police officer.

On Tuesday, he posted this photo along with other mug shots on the police department’s Facebook page.

“It just looked humorous to me, there were several that I went through and I said there’s our guy,” explained Officer Graham.

Graham wrote on the photo’s caption that “Barry Larry Terry” was arrested on charges of unlawful possession of a wild raccoon and no headlamp on bicycle.

“I can’t tell you where it came from I was just like I was just like ‘That looks like a Barry Larry Terry.'”

Graham says the other mug shots he posted were real, but this one was just a joke.

But what’s not entirely satire about the post, “There’s actually a law possession of wild animals. I don’t think it specifically says wild raccoon, but I just added that in there and here we are.”

Ice Road Trucker Finally Breaks Through

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Ice Road Truckers is a reality TV series where truckers run the winter and ice roads of northern Manitoba. They cross frozen rivers and lakes on perilous journeys that could lead to disaster. They could break through the ice and loose the truck, or worse, the drivers could drown.

During the show there are many close calls, ice cracking and water bubbling to the surface as the ice gives way. They have never actually broken through. But recently an ice road trucker broke through the surface.

However, the truck didn’t penetrate through the ice on a northern river or lake, they fell into one of Winnipeg’s giant potholes!

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The ice road truckers are accompanied by a myriad of support vehicles. If one would break through the ice they would promptly get rescued.

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An Insider’s Brief, but concise Biography of President Donald Trump

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The following excerpt is from former Donald Trump butler Andrej Timotej. He just released a short biography on the president. Originally from Yakastonia, Andrej immigrated to America in 1978 after being sponsored by ‘The Donald’.  Donald spotted him in the “How to Hire a Fabulous Butler” newsletter.

Andrej was known for receiving guests with grace and professionalism, his stellar dusting skills, table setting artistry and being an excellent receptacle for Donald’s vents. He was fired by Donald after he refused to move to the White House, preferring to stay in Trump Tower.

The excerpt

Donald has a gruff, overbearing demeanor, largely defined by his bigotry towards a diverse group of individuals– blacks, Hispanics, “Commies”, gays, hippies, Jews, Catholics, “women’s libbers”, and Mexican-Americans are frequent targets of his barbs. It eventually becomes apparent that Donald’s prejudice is not motivated by malice, but is rather a combination of the era and environment in which he was raised and a generalized misanthropy (Misanthropy is the general hatred, distrust or contempt of the human species or human nature).
Donald himself is a hard worker, loving father, and basically decent man; nevertheless, he is bad-tempered and frequently tells his long-suffering wife Melania to “stifle yourself” and “dummy up”.
As he gets older Donald mellows somewhat, albeit often out of necessity. In one situation, he expressed revulsion for a Ku Klux Klan-like organization which he accidentally joined. On another occasion, when asked to speak at the funeral of his friend Moses Liebowitz, Donald—surprised to learn that his friend was Jewish—overcomes his initial discomfort and delivers a moving eulogy, closing with a heartfelt “Shalom”.
Donald is also known for his frequent malapropisms and spoonerisms. For example, he refers to Melania’s gynecologist as a “groinacologist” and to Catholic priests who go around sprinkling “incest” (incense) on their congregation. These have become dubbed “Trumperisms”, or simply “Donald-isms”.
Over the course of his adult life, Donald mocks or belittles not just most minorities (including blacks, Hispanics, Latinos, Jews, and Asians), but also most white ethnic groups as well, including the English, Germans, Irish, and Polish.
Donald often misquotes the Bible. He is Protestant, though his specific denomination is never stated. He takes pride in being religious, although he rarely attends church services and constantly mispronounces the name of his minister, Reverend Felcher, as “Reverend Fletcher”.

The mini-biography was released last week. Trump has promptly filed a $15 million lawsuit against Mr. Timotej.

The text above describing Donald is my rearrangement of a biography of Archie Bunker in Wikipedia. Do they not seem very similar in an uncanny way?

Archibald “Archie” Bunker is a fictional character from the 1970s American television sitcom All in the Family and its spin-off Archie Bunker’s Place, played by Carroll O’Connor. Bunker, a main character of the series, is a World War II veteran, reactionary conservative, blue-collar worker, and family man. Described as a “lovable bigot”, he was first seen by the American public when All in the Family premiered on January 12, 1971, where he was depicted as the head of a family. In 1979, the show was retooled and renamed Archie Bunker’s Place; it finally went off the air in 1983. Bunker lived at the fictional address of 704 Hauser Street in the borough of Queens, in New York City.

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Provocative Photo surfaces of Donald Trump in Russia in 2013

A rogue Russian intelligence super-agent purportedly has released a compromising photo of Donald Trump when he was in Moscow in 2013 promoting the Miss Universe Pageant. The Russian espionage agent defected to Mongolia, then contacted CNN regarding the photo, it is rumoured the news network paid 20 million dollars to the spy for the picture.

The image was captured at the Moscow Marriott Royal Aurora Hotel. Trump was staying in the Deluxe Imperial Cossack Penthouse suite by himself. Russian military intelligence agency (GRU) had the room rigged with micro cameras and hyper sensitive listening devices. One unsubstantiated report is that the Russians recorded Donald having a six minute urination. So much for the small hands.

Trump’s security detail made up of former U.S. Marines and Navy Seal operators scanned the room and did find six cameras. However, leaked reports to Buzzfeed.com says that at least two cameras escaped detection. The camera that captured Trump in the compromising circumstance was located in the middle of a 95 inch flat-screen television. The camera was so small that it appeared to be comprised of nano technology.

The photo itself shows a naked Donald Trump siting on the edge of a bed, he appears to be in very deep contemplation. To Donald’s right is well-known Moscow socialite and sex fiend Zlata Ludmila Bolshakov-Voskoboynikov, also naked. Zlata is also known for her penchant for rough and deranged sex, very deranged rough sex. In the photo she has a very big double edged battle ax in her hands. Now that must have been one hell of a night! Hey Donald! You Beast!

The controversial and potentially explosive photo:

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In compliance with the World Telecommunications disinformation and propaganda charter 27b-6. This news item must be categorized as

Fake News!

Sorry.