Anthony ‘Vulgar Vlad’ Scaramucci lasted only 10 days. Thank God!
The tool kit that new White House chief of staff General John Kelly brought to the job
Vampire hunter/killer kit
Politics
On the Cover of the Rolling Stone
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has made it onto the cover of Rolling Stone magazine. And he did this without singing a single song.
Oh, we’re big rock singers.
We got golden fingers.
And we’re loved everywhere we go.
We sing about beauty,
And we sing about truth
At ten thousand dollars a show.
We take all kinds of pills
To give us all kind of thrills,
But the thrill we’ve never known
Is the thrill that’ll getcha
When you get your picture
On the cover of the Rolling Stone.
Rolling Stone…
Wanna see my picture on the cover.
Stone…
Wanna buy five copies for my Mother.
Stone…
Wanna see my smiling face
On the cover of the Rolling Stone.
I got a freaky old lady
Named Cocaine Katy
Who embroiders all my jeans.
Got my poor old grey-haired daddy
Drivin’ my limousine.
It’s all designed to blow our minds,
But our minds won’t really get blown
Like the blow that’ll getcha
When you get your picture
On the cover of the Rolling Stone.
We gotta lotta little teenage blue-eyed groupies
Who do anything we say.
We got a genuine Indian guru
Who’s teaching us a better way.
We got all the friends that money can buy,
So we never have to be alone.
And we keep getting richer,
But we can’t get our picture
On the cover of the Rolling Stone.
Justin being carried by his late father former Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau.
White House Won’t Have Sean Spicer to Push Around Anymore
He won’t have to defend Trump until he is blue in the face anymore.
Trump Unleashes “Shock and Awe”
Using the term the U.S. military coined during the invasion of Iraq in 2003. Donald Trump tweeted that “we are going to take out the mortal enemy with a ‘Shock and Awe’ campaign.” Trump then did his usual double tweet. “Bad people, fantastic, Great!”
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Sean Spicer then held an impromptu press briefing to try to explain what Trump meant.
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Spicer’s face was beat red as he stepped to the podium, word was that he had eaten 30 sticks of gum before the briefing and was having a negative reaction. Heads up: Spicer has admitted that he eats dozens of sticks of gum before noon everyday. Fact check it.
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Spicer started off by saying. “Today is a great day for this administration and all Trump supporters. Military action has been taken against the blood enemy of Donald Trump. An underhanded adversary that is cunning and uses every trick in the devil’s toolbox to defame and criticize the president. An enemy that has no morals when it comes to telling the truth. A despicable force within this great country that is the ultimate enemy of the American people. An enemy that had to be eliminated. An enemy that will be wiped off the face of the earth. An enemy that will burn in the depths of hell for all eternity.”
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“Today at 11 am eastern daylight time. The U.S. air force was ordered to take out this enemy. Fighter bombers from east coast bases conducted missions against the headquarters of CNN, The Washington Post and the New York Times. No questions you bastards. God Bless Donald Trump and the Trump administration. End of press briefing.”
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Fox News distributed the photos below
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Bombing run against the Washington Post
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CNN headquarters seconds before being blown to hell
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And finally, the final seconds before the NY Times building collapsed into a heap of rubble as it was hit by six 500 pound laser guided bombs.
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There was reports that the pilots were ready to revolt and mutiny. But a memo was handed to each pilot written by Trump himself that read: “if you disobey these orders and do not carry these missions, your immediate family and extended families will all be Fired!!”
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As reporters kept flinging questions at Spicer today after he abruptly ended the press briefing, he suddenly started to shutter, everyone in the room gasped as he began to direct some energy ray that emanated from his eyes at CNN reporter Jim Acosta.
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Acosta is in stable condition at a Washington area hospital.
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As The White House World Turns
Robert Mueller Begins Thirteenth Day Undercover As White House Janitor
Sean Spicer Cradling Comfort Pig Throughout Briefing
Sean Spicer Announces There Only Enough Time Left In Career For Couple More Questions
Rodent Clearly Making Its Way Through Steve Bannon’s Body Throughout National Security Meeting
WASHINGTON—Noting that the White House chief strategist’s skin stretched and bulged as the animal scurried about, sources confirmed Tuesday that a rodent was clearly making its way through Steve Bannon’s body during a national security meeting. “You could see the outline of a rat or maybe a very large mouse scampering inside Mr. Bannon for the entire 90-minute strategy session,” said Deputy National Security Advisor K.T. McFarland, adding that at one point the rodent-shaped lump paused and turned in circles several times before darting down the former Breitbart editor’s neck. “I tried not to stare, but the thing kept peeking its head out of Steve’s nostrils. I just had to look away when its tail popped out of his left tear duct.” At press time, White House sources confirmed that a faint squeaking noise could be heard every time Bannon opened his mouth to speak.
Deputy press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders greeting the press in lieu of Spicer, who she said was fulfilling some Naval Reserve duties (but who was totally hiding in the bushes outside the press room).
Theonion.com
