Caveman Film

Caveman is a 1981 American slapstick comedy film written and directed by Carl Gottlieb and starring Ringo Starr, Dennis Quaid, Shelley Long and Barbara Bach.

Atouk (Ringo Starr) is a bullied and scrawny caveman living in “One Zillion BC – October 9th”. He lusts after the beautiful but shallow Lana (Barbara Bach), who is the mate of Tonda (John Matuszak), their tribe’s physically imposing bullying leader and brutish instigator. After being banished along with his friend Lar (Dennis Quaid), Atouk falls in with a band of assorted misfits, among them the comely Tala (Shelley Long) and the elderly blind man Gog (Jack Gilford). The group has ongoing encounters with hungry dinosaurs, and rescues Lar from a “nearby ice age”, where they encounter an abominable snowman. In the course of these adventures they discover sedative drugs, fire, invent cooking, music, weapons, and learn how to walk fully upright. Atouk uses these advancements to lead an attack on Tonda, overthrowing him and becoming the tribe’s new leader. He rejects Lana and takes Tala as his mate, and they live happily ever after.

Spaceball One: An Amazing Spaceship

Spaceballs is a 1987 American science fiction parody film co-written, produced and directed by Mel Brooks. Starring Brooks, Bill Pullman, John Candy, and Rick Moranis, the film also features Daphne Zuniga, Dick Van Patten, and the voice of Joan Rivers. In addition to Brooks in a supporting role, the film also features Brooks regulars Dom DeLuise and Rudy De Luca in cameo appearances.

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Lord Dark Helmet

The film was released by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer on June 24, 1987, and was met with a mixed reception. It has since become a cult classic on video and one of Brooks’s most popular films. Its setting and characters parody the original Star Wars trilogy, as well as other sci-fi franchises including Star Trek, Alien, and the Planet of the Apes films.

One of the best parts of this movie is Spaceball One. A giant spaceship attack platform. It’s big, very big.

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11,000 meters long

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The original model.

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This item is the massive 17 ft version model of the Spaceball One ship created for the 1987 Mel Brooks’ Star Wars comedy spoof Spaceballs. The model is constructed of styrene and resin, and detailed with kit bashed model parts. It features fiber optic lighting throughout. Spaceballs spoofs much of the design of Star Wars, and this ship is a spoof based of the Empire Star Destroyer. The effects work was done by Apogee Inc., company headed by John Dykstra that split off from ILM in 1978. Thus, Spaceballs marked the first time since Star Wars that the two units shared work on a single project, as Industrial Light and Magic was hired to create the puppet of the chest-burster for Spaceballs. On this movie the Chief Model Makers were Grant McCune, Chris Ross, David Beasley, Cory Faucher, Jay Roth, John Eaves, Tom Pahk, David Sosalla, Suzy Schneider, and Smokey Stover. The Model Department Special Design was run by Rae Burkland, Ron Thornton.

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Wheels on Meals: a Movie with a Completely Nonsensical Title

Wheels on Meals is a 1984 Hong Kong martial arts action-comedy film written and directed by Sammo Hung, with action choreographed by Jackie Chan. The film stars Jackie Chan, Sammo Hung, Yuen Biao, Lola Forner, Benny Urquidez and José Sancho. The film was shot in Barcelona, Spain.

The film was a box office success in East Asia, including Japan where the film was released as Spartan X. The film was well-received by critics for its action and comedy, particularly the final fight between Jackie Chan and Benny Urquidez, which is considered one of the greatest fight scenes of all time. Jackie Chan with his stunt team were nominated for Best Action Choreography, for both Wheels on Meals and Project A, at the 4th Hong Kong Film Awards, winning the award for Project A.

Plot:

Thomas and David are cousins who run a fast food van in Barcelona. The food is delivered by Thomas, who rushes around the square on a skateboard. After fending off a biker gang they continue business as normal.

They pay a visit to David’s father, who is in a mental institution, and bump into Sylvia, the daughter of David’s father’s girlfriend. Thomas encourages his cousin to try to ask her out on a date, but David chickens out of this, making the excuse she would have said no anyway.

Later that night, while at the van serving food, Thomas inadvertently bumps into Sylvia, who is pretending to be a prostitute. She is actually a pickpocket, and she robs a man in a bedroom and runs away to their fast food van.

Both Thomas and David are enamored by her, but after allowing her to stay in their apartment that night, they wake to find Sylvia and their money gone. The next day, they bump into Moby, a bumbling private investigator who is also tracking Sylvia. They later discover that Sylvia is the heir to a sizable inheritance that a criminal gang is trying to steal from her. When she is kidnapped, Thomas, David and Moby team up to save her, infiltrating the villains’ castle and defeating them in a martial arts battle. The final scene of the film shows David, Thomas and Sylvia reunited. Sylvia asks for a summer job, and Moby asks David and Thomas if they wish to work as private detectives with him, which they refuse.

The film was distributed by Golden Harvest, a distribution, production and exhibition company based in Hong Kong.

Now for that very odd title:

The film’s title was supposed to be Meals on Wheels. Superstitious Golden Harvest executives however demanded the title change because their two previous films with titles that began with the letter ‘M’ – Megaforce and Menage A Trois – were both box office flops.

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Planet of the Sharks

I missed this one, it played during Shark Week last summer. Sounds like a bombastic blockbusting blast of blood and mayhem. Short plot blurb, polar ice caps melt and the world is just ocean, due to some aberration, there are no fish for the sharks to eat, they must feed on surface dwellers. Basically Waterworld meets Jaws.

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The original Planet of the… Movie. Planet of the Apes!

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Another honourable mention Shark Movie:

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1960’s Beach Party Movies

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Beach party movies were an American subgenre of feature films produced and released between 1963 and 1968, created by American International Pictures (AIP), beginning with their surprise hit, Beach Party in July 1963. With this film, AIP is credited with creating the genre. In addition to the AIP films, several contributions to the genre were produced and released by major and independent studios alike. According to various sources, the genre comprises over 30 films, with the lower-budget AIP films being the most profitable.

Generally comedies, the core elements of the AIP films consisted of a group of teenage and/or college-age characters as heroes; non-parental adult characters as villains and/or comic relief; simple, silly storylines that avoided any sober social consciousness; teen trends and interests (such as dancing, surfing, drag racing, custom cars, etc.); simple romantic arcs, original songs (presented in both the “Musical” genre style and as ”source music”); teen-oriented musical acts (frequently performing as themselves); and a tongue-in-cheek attitude toward the target audience.

The earliest films by AIP, as well as those by other studios, focused on surfing and beach culture. Although the genre is termed “beach party film”, several subsequent films that appeared later in the genre, while keeping most of the core elements mentioned above, do not actually include surfing—or even scenes on a beach.

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The complete AIP series

American International Pictures produced a series of twelve films that fall into the genre. With the exception of Sergeant Deadhead, Fireball 500 and Thunder Alley, all were related by recurring characters. For example, much of the cast in Bikini Beach appear in the follow-up Pajama Party, albeit with different names – however, biker Erich von Zipper appears in the film, along with his gang of “Rats,” playing the same characters as in two previous films. In addition, Ski Party would appear unrelated, except that the characters of Todd and Craig also appear in the later Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine, which is also linked to How to Stuff a Wild Bikini by the appearance of Erich von Zipper and Annette Funicello.

The only film not to have an appearance of some kind by either Avalon or Funicello is The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini (early promos for the film had announced that the two would appear, but it didn’t happen); Funicello does not appear in Avalon’s Sergeant Deadhead and Avalon does not appear in Funicello’s Thunder Alley.

FilmRelease dateDirectorWriter(s)Score
Beach Party7 August 1963William AsherLou Rusoff, William Asher, Robert DillonLes Baxter
Bikini Beach22 July 1964William AsherWilliam Asher, Robert Dillon, Leo TownsendLes Baxter
Pajama Party11 November 1964Don WeisLouis M. HeywardLes Baxter
Beach Blanket Bingo14 April 1965William AsherLeo Townsend, Sher Townsend, William AsherLes Baxter
Ski Party30 June 1965Alan RafkinRobert KaufmanGuy Hemric & Jerry Styner
How to Stuff a Wild Bikini14 July 1965William AsherWilliam Asher, Leo TownsendLes Baxter
Sergeant Deadhead18 August 1965Norman TaurogLouis M. HeywardLes Baxter
Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine6 November 1965Norman TaurogJames Hartford, Robert KaufmanLes Baxter
Ghost in the Invisible Bikini6 April 1966Don WeisLouis M. Heyward, Elwood UllmanLes Baxter
Fireball 5007 June 1966William AsherWilliam Asher, Leo Townsend, Burt TopperLes Baxter
Thunder Alley22 March 1967Richard RushSy SalkowitzMike Curb
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Buster Keaton!

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A few offshoot films.

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Some Maximum Crazy B Horror Movies Featuring Extremely Bizarre Creatures

Some movie producers sit around the backyard pool in L.A. and think up the damndest things. In the movies below these damndest things are horrible hybrid killing monstrosities. Some of these movies are so whacked out they are actually funny. Of course plenty of gratuitous gore to satisfy Quentin Tarantino types.

If you are not a horror movie fan this post may not be for you.

Conan O’Brien makes a fatal cameo in this one.

Watch Scene from ‘Pulp Fiction’

Pulp Fiction is a 1994 American neo-noir black comedy crime film written and directed by Quentin Tarantino, who conceived it with Roger Avary. Starring John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson, Bruce Willis, Tim Roth, Ving Rhames, and Uma Thurman, it tells several stories of criminal Los Angeles. The title refers to the pulp magazines and hardboiled crime novels popular during the mid-20th century, known for their graphic violence and punchy dialogue.

One of the Worst Movies Ever Made

Robot Monster (or Monster from Mars) is a 1953 independently made American black-and-white 3D science-fiction film, remembered in later decades as one of the worst movies ever made. It was produced and directed by Phil Tucker, written by Wyott Ordung, and stars George Nader, Claudia Barrett, and George Barrows. The production company was Three Dimension Pictures, Inc. The film was distributed by Astor Pictures.

Robot Monster tells the story of the alien robot Ro-Man’s mission to Earth to destroy humanity. He manages to kill all but eight survivors, who have become immune to his death ray. Ro-Man runs afoul of the Great Guidance, his leader, when he becomes attracted to the human Alice. She is the eldest daughter of a surviving scientist, and he refuses to harm her. The Great Guidance must now come to Earth and finish what the Moon robot started.