Top 10 Conspiracy Theories

Many people love to believe conspiracy theories.  There are many opinions as to why this is.  The two most common reasons usually attributed to the phenomenon are that people want to have a big cause behind a big event.  Puny Lee Harvey Oswald could not have pulled off the assassination of JFK by himself.  It had to be a group of powerful organizations behind the action.  Even though it would have taken many dozens of people, maybe hundreds, to be involved in the conspiracy, nobody has ever talked.  And as we know, people love to talk.  Yet, besides the improbability that nobody has yet spilled the beans, people still believe these far-fetched theories. 

And conspiracy believers give the powers that be too much credit.  They think all big organizations can do what they want when they want.  They believe these big political or fraternal organizations wield enormous power with air tight secrecy.  And these big organizations are always scheming to benefit their own ends at the cost of the average citizen.  Citizens are manipulated into entering wars that are not what they seem to be.  The wars do not provide anything positive to the average citizen, but only further the goals of the elite secret societies.  People love to believe this type of nonsense.  Many authors make their livelihoods from perpetuating the bunk, I.E. Stanton Friedman who single-handedly invented the Roswell UFO myth.

Roswell was a balloon, not a weather balloon of any kind although.  It was a super-secret, extremely advanced reconnaissance system code-named Project Mogul.  It comprised up to 6 giant balloons one above the other that carried top-secret sensors to monitor Soviet nuclear tests.  No wonder the military was on scene immediately to recover the equipment after it crashed.  And the giant size of the device led to the huge debris field.  But alien chasers will never believe this common sense argument.  It was ALIENS!  Even if these aliens were advanced enough to travel millions of light years to come to the earth, and then when they get here, they fly into a flock of Canada geese and crash.  Enough said.

The newest conspiracy theory is that Barack Obama was lying when he said U.S. forces killed Bin Laden.  Not a body to be seen and no released pictures of the blasted head of OBL.  The other day one of my in-laws insinuated that Obama created the lie to gain approval rating points as the 2012 election nears.  This is usually a very logical, common sense guy.  But this story just had too many loose ends.  And the conspiracy tendencies in his brain broke through.  I had to refute his argument with a couple obvious observations.  If Bin Laden wasn’t killed by the SEALS all he would have to do is make a new audio tape with the latest NHL playoff scores included.  Proving he was alive and in the here and now.  And why would Obama risk such a lie?  If found out that he perpetuated such a fib he could be impeached and maybe sent to jail.  It would not have been worth it.  And by the way in-law,  Al Qaeda admitted that OBL was dead.  But then the CIA could have fabricated that with their advanced psyops techniques.

And it goes on and on. 

TIME magazine just put out their Top Ten Conspiracy Theories.  Enjoy.  m

 

1. 

The JFK Assassination

 

This much we can stipulate: President John F. Kennedy was assassinated on Nov. 22, 1963, struck by two bullets — one in the head, one in the neck — while riding in an open-topped limo through Dealey Plaza in Dallas. Lee Harvey Oswald was charged with killing him, and a presidential commission headed by Chief Justice Earl Warren found that Oswald acted alone.

That conclusion hasn’t passed muster with the public. A 2003 ABC News poll found that 70% of Americans believe Kennedy’s death was the result of a broader plot. The trajectory of the bullets, some say, didn’t square with Oswald’s perch on the sixth floor of the Texas School Book Depository. Others suggest a second gunman — perhaps on the grassy knoll of Dealey Plaza — participated in the shooting. Others believe in an even broader conspiracy. Was Kennedy killed by CIA agents acting either out of anger over the Bay of Pigs or at the behest of Vice President Lyndon Johnson? By KGB operatives? Mobsters mad at Kennedy’s brother for initiating the prosecution of organized crime rings? Speculation over one of history’s most famous political assassinations is such a popular parlor game that most people have taken the rumors to heart: just 32% of those polled by ABC believe Oswald carried out the killing on his own.
2.

9/11 Cover-Up

 

Not since the JFK assassination has there been a national tragedy so heavily imprinted in American minds — or that has given rise to quite as many alternative explanations. While videos and photographs of the two planes striking the World Trade Center towers are famous around the world, the sheer profusion of documentary evidence has only provided even more fodder for conspiracy theories.

A May 2006 Zogby poll found that 42% of Americans believed that the government and the 9/11 commission “concealed or refused to investigate critical evidence that contradicts their official explanation of the September 11th attacks.” Why had the military failed to intercept the hijacked planes? Had the government issued a “stand down” order, to minimize interference with a secret plan to destroy the buildings and blame it on Islamic terrorists? In 2005, Popular Mechanics published a massive investigation of similar claims and responses to them. The reporting team found that the North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) did not have a history of having fighter jets prepped and ready to intercept aircraft that had gone off route. And while the team found no evidence that the government had planned the attacks, lack of proof has rarely stopped conspiracy theorists before.

3.

Area 51 and the Aliens

 

We may have Tang thanks to the space program, but who gave us such innovations as the Stealth fighter and Kevlar? Aliens, of course. Conspiracy theorists believe that the remains of crashed UFO spacecrafts are stored at Area 51, an Air Force base about 150 miles from Las Vegas, where government scientists reverse-engineer the aliens’ highly advanced technology. Fodder for this has come from a variety of supposed UFO sightings in the area and testimony from a retired Army colonel who says he was given access to extraterrestrial materials gathered from an alien spacecraft that crashed in Roswell, N.M. Some believe that the government studies time travel at Area 51, also known as Groom Lake or Dreamland.

The government has developed advanced aircraft and weapons systems at nearby Nellis Air Force Base, including Stealth bombers and reconnaissance planes. And the government’s official line — that the details of Area 51 are classified for purposes of national security — is only seen as further proof that the military is hiding aliens or alien spacecraft.

4.

Paul Is Dead

 

Paul McCartney never wrote “Maybe I’m Amazed.” He never formed the band Wings. He never clashed with Yoko, became a vegetarian, or fathered any of his children. When Queen Elizabeth knighted him in 1997, she was actually knighting someone else. This is because, conspiracy-minded Beatlemaniacs say, Paul McCartney secretly died in 1966. Theorists claim the other Beatles covered up his death — hiring someone who looked like him, sang like him, and had the same jovial personality. But the guilt eventually got to them and they began hiding clues in their music. In the song “Taxman,” George Harrison gave his “advice for those who die,” meaning Paul. The entire Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band album was awash with Paul-is-dead clues: the Beatles had formed a “new” band featuring a fictional member named Billy Shears — supposedly the name of Paul’s replacement. The album contained John Lennon’s “A Day in the Life,” which had the lyrics “He blew his mind out in a car” and the recorded phrase “Paul is dead, miss him, miss him,” which becomes evident only when the song is played backward. Lennon also mumbled, “I buried Paul” at the end of “Strawberry Fields Forever” (in interviews, Lennon said the phrase was actually “cranberry sauce” and denied the existence of any backward messages).

Paul-is-dead believers think the Beatles accompanied these backward tape loops and veiled references to death with album covers that illustrated the loss of their friend. The original cover of 1966’s Yesterday and Today album featured the Beatles posed amid raw meat and dismembered doll parts — symbolizing McCartney’s gruesome accident. If fans placed a mirror in front of the Sgt. Pepper album cover, the words Lonely Hearts on the drum logo could be read as “1 ONE 1 X HE DIE 1 ONE 1.” And of course, there’s the Abbey Road cover, on which John, George and Ringo forwent all pretense and pretended to cross the street as a funeral procession. John wore all white, like a clergyman. Ringo, the mourner, dressed in black. George donned jeans, like a gravedigger. Paul wore no shoes (he didn’t need them, because he was dead) and walked out of step with the others.

If Paul is dead, then his imposter is still at large. He met and married Linda Eastman, with whom he had four children before losing her to breast cancer in 1998. He released a live album in 1993 called Paul Is Live (likely story), and produced more than 20 solo albums — and that’s not even counting the ones released by Wings. Then he endured a horrible divorce from Heather Mills, which may have made him wish he were dead — or, at least, were still Billy Shears. So who is the real McCartney? The world may never know.

5.

Secret Societies Control the World

 

If you were really a member of the global élite, you’d know this already: the world is ruled by a powerful, secretive few. Many of the rest of us peons have heard that in 2004 both candidates for the White House were members of Yale University’s secretive Skull and Bones society, many of whose members have risen to powerful positions. But Skull and Bones is small potatoes compared with the mysterious cabals that occupy virtually every seat of power, from the corridors of government to the boardrooms of Wall Street.

Take the Illuminati, a sect said to have originated in 18th century Germany and which is allegedly responsible for the pyramid-and-eye symbol adorning the $1 bill: they intend to foment world wars to strengthen the argument for the creation of a worldwide government (which would, of course, be Satanic in nature). Or consider the Freemasons, who tout their group as the “oldest and largest worldwide fraternity” and boast alumni like George Washington. Some think that despite donating heaps of cash to charity, they’re secretly plotting your undoing at Masonic temples across the world. Or maybe, some theorize, the guys pulling the strings aren’t concealed in shadow at all. They might be the intelligentsia on the Council on Foreign Relations, a cadre of policy wonks who allegedly count their aims as publishing an erudite bimonthly journal and establishing a unified world government — not necessarily in that order.

6.

The Moon Landings Were Faked

 

It’s now been nearly four decades since Neil Armstrong took his “giant leap for mankind” — if, that is, he ever set foot off this planet. Doubters say the U.S. government, desperate to beat the Russians in the space race, faked the lunar landings, with Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin acting out their mission on a secret film set, located (depending on the theory) either high in the Hollywood Hills or deep within Area 51. With the photos and videos of the Apollo missions only available through NASA, there’s no independent verification that the lunar landings were anything but a hoax.

The smoking gun? Film of Aldrin planting a waving American flag on the moon, which critics say proves that he was not in space. The flag’s movement, they say, clearly shows the presence of wind, which is impossible in a vacuum. NASA says Aldrin was twisting the flagpole to get the moon soil, which caused the flag to move. (And never mind that astronauts have brought back hundreds of independently verified moon rocks.) Theorists have even suggested that filmmaker Stanley Kubrick may have helped NASA fake the first lunar landing, given that his 1968 film 2001: A Space Odessey proves that the technology existed back then to artificially create a spacelike set. And as for Virgil I. Grissom, Edward H. White and Roger B. Chaffee — three astronauts who died in a fire while testing equipment for the first moon mission? They were executed by the U.S. government, which feared they were about to disclose the truth.

Far-fetched as the hoax theory may seem, a 1999 Gallup poll showed that it’s comparatively durable: 6% of Americans said they thought the lunar landings were fake, and 5% said they were undecided.

7.

Jesus and Mary Magdalene

 

Jesus and Mary Magdalene might have been married, or so says the Gospel of Philip. Sure, it’s the basic plot of The Da Vinci Code (the thriller also wraps in conspiracy shibboleths like Opus Dei and the Knights Templar for good measure) — but the theory finds its basis in writings from the Gnostic Gospels, which were discovered in 1945 and whose authenticity religious experts still dispute. In the Gospel of Philip, Mary Magdalene, who is referred to as Jesus’ koinonos,a Greek term for “companion” or “partner,” is depicted as being closer to Jesus than any other apostle.

In an exchange between Peter and Mary, he admits to her that “the Saviour loved you above all other women” — a tense moment in the scripture that seems to portray the jealousy that the other apostles might have felt for Mary’s relationship with Jesus. The only other evidence used to support the theory is a mention of Jesus kissing Mary often, but some say kissing was the custom and it was typical of Jesus to practice it with those close to him. (Remember Judas?)

8.

Holocaust Revisionism

 

Despite overwhelming evidence and an admission and apology from Germany decades ago, revisionists continue to claim that nearly 6 million Jews were not killed by Nazis during the Holocaust. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, for one, has called the Holocaust a “myth” and suggested that Germany and other European countries, rather than Palestine, provide land for a Jewish state.

Unlike Ahmadinejad, most revisionists do not deny that Jews were interned in prison camps during World War II; rather, they argue that the number of deaths was greatly exaggerated. Gas chambers are a particular sticking point: Holocaust deniers say they were purely a rumor or, if they indeed existed, were not powerful enough to kill — though evidence and history indicate otherwise. And the photographs of emaciated and dying Jews? Attorney Edgar J. Steele, a revisionist, says, “All those pictures of skinny people and bodies stacked like cordwood were actually of Czechs and Poles and Germans [who] died of typhus, which was rampant in the camps.”

9.

The CIA and AIDS

 

Since the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention first reported the HIV/AIDS epidemic in 1981, rumors have persisted that the deadly virus was created by the CIA to wipe out homosexuals and African Americans. Even today, the conspiracy theory has a number of high-profile believers. South African President Thabo Mbeki once touted the theory, disputing scientific claims that the virus originated in Africa and accusing the U.S. government of manufacturing the disease in military labs. When she won the Nobel Peace Prize, Kenyan ecologist Wangari Maathai used the international spotlight to support that theory as well. Others insist that the government deliberately injected gay men with the virus during 1978 hepatitis-B experiments in New York, San Francisco and Los Angeles. Still others point to Richard Nixon, who combined the U.S. Army’s biowarfare department with the National Cancer Institute in 1971. Though the co-discoverers of HIV — Dr. Robert Gallo of the National Cancer Institute and Dr. Luc Montagnier of the Pasteur Institute in Paris — don’t agree on its origins, most members of the scientific community believe the virus jumped from monkeys to humans some time during the 1930s.

10.

The Reptilian Elite

 

They are among us. Blood-drinking, flesh-eating, shape-shifting extraterrestrial reptilian humanoids with only one objective in their cold-blooded little heads: to enslave the human race. They are our leaders, our corporate executives, our beloved Oscar-winning actors and Grammy-winning singers, and they’re responsible for the Holocaust, the Oklahoma City bombings and the 9/11 attacks … at least according to former BBC sports reporter David Icke, who became the poster human for the theory in 1998 after publishing his first book, The Biggest Secret, which contained interviews with two Brits who claimed members of the royal family are nothing more than reptiles with crowns. (Picture Dracula meets Swamp Thing).

The conspiracy theorist and New Age philosopher, who wore only turquoise for a time and insisted on being called Son of God-Head, says these “Annunaki” (the reptiles) have controlled humankind since ancient times; they count among their number Queen Elizabeth, George W. Bush, Henry Kissinger, Bill and Hillary Clinton and Bob Hope. Encroaching on other conspiracy theorists’ territory, Icke even claims that the lizards are behind secret societies like the Freemasons and the Illuminati. Since earning the dubious title of “paranoid of the decade” in the late 1990s, Icke has written several books on the topic, including his latest work, The David Icke Guide to the Global Conspiracy, while operating his own website — complete with merchandise and advertisements.

That Bloody Ancient Aliens TV Show is Back!

I hadn’t seen this bogus nonsensical inane piece of crap TV show for quite a while. I thought they had maybe cancelled it. But no such luck.

The Idiocy, Fabrications and Lies of Ancient Aliens

The History Channel presents self-appointed challengers of science who take on the idea that aliens caused the extinction of non-avian dinosaurs

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Until now, I have assiduously avoided Ancient Aliens. I had a feeling that if I watched the show—which popularizes far-fetched, evidence-free idiocy about how human history has been molded by extra-terrestrial visitors—my brain would jostle its way out of my skull and stalk the earth in search of a kinder host. Or, at the very least, watching the show would kill about as many brain cells as a weekend bender in Las Vegas. But then I heard the History Channel’s slurry of pseudoscience had taken on dinosaurs. I steeled myself for the pain and watched the mind-melting madness unfold.

I’m actually glad that my editors don’t allow me to cuss a blue streak on this blog. If they did, my entire review would be little more than a string of expletives. Given my restrictions, I have little choice but to try to encapsulate the shiny, documentary-format rubbish in a more coherent and reader-sensitive way.

The episode is what you would get if you dropped some creationist propaganda, Erich von Däniken’s Chariots of the Gods and stock footage from Jurassic Fight Club into a blender. What results is a slimy and incomprehensible mixture of idle speculation and outright fabrications which pit the enthusiastic “ancient alien theorists,” as the narrator generously calls them, against “mainstream science.” I would say “You can’t make this stuff up,” but I have a feeling that that is exactly what most of the show’s personalities were doing.

There was so much wrong with the Ancient Aliens episode that I could spend all week trying to counteract every incorrect assertion. This is a common technique among cranks and self-appointed challengers of science; it is called Gish Gallop after young earth creationist Duane Gish. When giving public presentations about evolution and creationism, Gish rapidly spouted off a series of misinterpretations and falsehoods to bury his opponent under an avalanche of fictions and distortions. If Gish’s opponent tried to dig themselves out, they would never be able to make enough progress to free themselves to take on Gish directly. Ancient Aliens uses the same tactic—the fictions come fast and furious.

 

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While the main point of the episode is that aliens exterminated dinosaurs to make way for our species—a sci-fi scenario accompanied by some hilarious, mashed-together footage of dinosaurs fleeing from strafing alien craft, perhaps a preview of Dinosaurs vs. Aliens the movie—the various ancient alien experts do little more than assert that such an event must have happened. Surprise, surprise, they provide no actual evidence for their claims. Instead, they borrow evidence for fundamentalist Christians, who are never actually identified as such. Creationist Michael Cremo is identified only as the author of Forbidden Archeology, and Willie E. Dye is credited as a biblical archaeologist without any mention of his young earth creationist views. Ancient Aliensproducers clearly did not care about the credentials or expertise of the talking heads they employed—just so long as someone said the right things in front of the camera.

And the creationists didn’t disappoint. About halfway through the program, Cremo says, “Some researchers found human footprints alongside the footprints of dinosaurs.” The quote is a line out of context from Cremo’s interview, but is played in a section claiming that American Museum of Natural History paleontologist Roland T. Bird found human footprints associated with dinosaur trackways in the vicinity of Glen Rose, Texas.

Bird didn’t find any such thing. He found many dinosaur footprints and trackways—one of which he and his crew partially excavated and anachronistically placed behind the AMNH’s “Brontosaurus“—but no human tracks. Strangely, though, hoaxed human tracks did have a role to play in Bird’s decision to initially visit the tracksites.

 

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Erich Von Daniken is one of the noisiest blow-hards propagating the myths and archeological lies of the Ancient Aliens family.  He is a big proponent of the theory that the Nazca Lines in Peru were space alien landing strips. The aliens travel billions and billions of miles through outer space to get to earth and they need landing strips?!! 

 

The show can’t seem to decide whether aliens exterminated dinosaurs 66 million years ago or whether dinosaurs somehow survived to the modern era. Which is it? Did aliens clear away dinosaurs so that we might live? Or did some dinosaurs escape extinction somehow? Competing ideas bounce around like ping-pong balls during the whole episode. Grandpa Simpson tells more coherent stories.

Ancient Aliens is some of the most noxious sludge in television’s bottomless chum bucket. Actual experts are brought in to deliver sound bites that are twisted and taken out of context while fanatics are given free reign. Fiction is presented as fact, and real scientific research is so grossly misrepresented that I can only conclude that the program is actively lying to viewers. To present the show as a documentary, on a non-fiction network, is a loathsome move by the History Channel spinoff. (Technically, Ancient Aliens airs on an offshoot of the History Channel called H2.) If the network and the show’s creators want to present Ancient Aliens as a light survey of fringe ideas and make it clear that the ideas aren’t meant to be taken seriously, I can’t quarrel with that. But Ancient Aliens and shows like it winnow away at actual scientific understanding by promoting absolute dreck. Ancient Aliens is worse than bad television. The program shows a sheer contempt for science and what we really know about nature.

The narrator on the show does nothing but postulate conjecture. Question after question: Is it possible…, could it be…, is there a chance…, what if…,?  The questions go on and on. And the ancient alien theorists assume that their speculation has to be true!

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This clown has gotten dirty rich off this TV show. He is laughing all the way to the bank.

Bill Cosby On The Run!!

Recently sentenced former TV star Bill Cosby has escaped from a Philadelphia jail. He was convicted of drugging women and then molesting and raping them when they were passed out. This behavior from a guy who once called Eddie Murphy and told him to tone down his obscenity during his live acts.

It is purported that Cosby picked his handcuffs and shackles using a technique he learned during one of his many visits to the Playboy Mansion.

Cosby would pick the bedroom door locks of sleeping Playmates. Enter the room and knock them into deeper unconsciousness using a chloroform soaked cloth. What he did after that is anybody’s guess.

After Cosby discarded his shackles and cuffs he escaped down a sewer tunnel in the jail.  His whereabouts are currently unknown, but he was fleetingly spotted emerging from a manhole in west central Philly.

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The police are having a hard time tracking the famous fugitive as their tracker hounds are disoriented by the cornucopia of rancid smells in the sewers.

Trump Goes To Walmart

President Donald Trump made a pit stop yesterday. On his way to a rally in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, Trump heeded the bright idea of his advisers and decided to check out a Walmart in Posumneck, Mississippi.  The reasoning behind the Walmart visit was a kill two birds with one stone brainstorm. Trump could mingle with his rabid base, who are frequent visitors to the discount retail giant, at the same time he could check out for himself that photo I.D. cards are not needed to buy groceries.

Earlier in the week at another hate filled rally in Florida, Trump incorrectly said that people need photo I.D. to buy groceries. He was out to left field on that one, but then again when was the last time Trump ventured into a grocery store?

Trump appeared to be in merry spirits as he walked around the Walmart in Posumneck. He was cheered and celebrated by the customers who had the ability to realize he was there.

Leroy Laflange, the guy wearing the light blue slip, pink hat and striped stockings, was quoted as saying: ” I am sure this gorgeous president will eventually lock up Hillary, and then he can send Obama back to Africa where he was born. And get this on the record you fake news reporter, make America great again, and F**k Canada”.

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Below: Billy Bob, on the left, and Billy Ray on the right with the protruding pot belly wearing the wool smock, both stated that Trump could mow down school children with a machine gun in downtown Tallahassee and they would still support him. We love everything that man stands for. Especially his truth that people should not believe anything on TV news, magazines, newspapers, or any online current events information. In unison both shoppers stated they believe absolutely nothing, unless it comes out of Trump’s mouth.

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Trump mingled with the faithful.

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Above: a reporter’s super sensitive microphone picked up Trump muttering something as he walked past Bucephelus Buck, the guy in the thongs and super short shorts, Trump said: “I have never seen so many retarded slobs in one place at one time in my life, where do these people get their fashion sense, in a pig sty? But what the hell, they love me, always smiling broadly with their toothless mugs. I love the degenerate bastards, I could wipe out a convent full of nuns with a rocket launcher and they would still vote for me the ignorant sombitches”.

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Above: Trump bragged that if it wasn’t for his tax cuts JesseBelle Coon, the fat ass riding down the aisle, would not have been able to afford the reinforced turbo powered mobility scooter. The tax cuts allowed the manufacturer to lower the cost.

Trump was heard mumbling something under his breath to the effect that the fat pig on the scooter should be sent to a zoo or better yet, put down.

All in all great visit to Walmart by the Trumpster. Donald was last seen leaving the store with four cans of discount tan spray with his photo I.D. attached to his lapel.

Reality TV Personalities Vying for the White House in 2020

Trump was the first Reality TV celeb to make it to the White House, good or bad depending on your political stripes. Now Oprah Winfrey is hinting she may make a run for President in 2020. Only in America, television celebrities with good ratings are the heroes that achieve anything they want.

Crystal Ball 2019

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News Bulletin Sun-Times: Donald Trump was impeached and sent to prison on various rape and sexual molestation convictions. Former President Trump was out of the 2020 White House race.

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Oprah Winfrey pounced on the opportunity and declared her candidacy for president. Being the smart strategist that Oprah is, she realized her running mate should be another likable reality TV star.

Non other than Cesar Milan!

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Oprah surmised that she could garner redneck votes by bringing a dogman onto the ticket.

With Trump cooped up at Sing Sing prison in New Jersey, the Republicans decided to follow the Democrats tactics.

The GOP ticket for 2020 would be made up of Pawn Stars head honcho Rick Harrison for president, and the running mate would be the Ghost Hunter RotoRooter plumber. Harrison’s political views are to the right of Heinrich Himmler. He is a rabid capitalist whose life source is sustained by massive gobs of cash.

It has been purported that he prays nightly at his own private money temple in his Las Vegas mansion. The temple is made up of pure gold and silver with a gigantic dollar sign in the middle. When he is done worshiping the god Mammon begging for more money he gets to work on his super computer bitcoin mining machine, most of the time assisted by the chubby Chumlee.

What a team! Every bald man’s dream team!

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The GOP figured they could garner redneck votes by having a plumber on the ticket.

Chesty The Bulldog charged with sexual harassment after humping numerous legs

Corporal Chesty XIV

MARINE BARRACKS WASHINGTON, D.C. — Cpl. Chesty XIV, also known as Chesty The Bulldog, has been removed from his primary duties as the official Marine Corps mascot following multiple charges of sexual misconduct, sources confirmed today.

There were several cases involving accusations of leg humping, unsolicited face licking, and one claim of lewd sexting.

“I always suspected Chesty was letting his fame go to his head,” said Pfc. David Trimbull, a member of the Marine Corps Silent Drill Platoon. “We all heard rumors, but the command made it perfectly clear they wanted us to keep quiet.”

In 2016, a story emerged about Chesty when a server witnessed him cornering two Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders at the USO Gala in Washington, D.C.

“I was in absolute shock, just like them,” said the witness, whose name is withheld out of fear of reprisal. “I couldn’t move I was so scared, and when it was all over, all I could do was comfort them and offer some clean napkins.”

The two cheerleaders never pressed charges and refused to comment on the incident.

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