Bill Cosby On The Run!!

Recently sentenced former TV star Bill Cosby has escaped from a Philadelphia jail. He was convicted of drugging women and then molesting and raping them when they were passed out. This behavior from a guy who once called Eddie Murphy and told him to tone down his obscenity during his live acts.

It is purported that Cosby picked his handcuffs and shackles using a technique he learned during one of his many visits to the Playboy Mansion.

Cosby would pick the bedroom door locks of sleeping Playmates. Enter the room and knock them into deeper unconsciousness using a chloroform soaked cloth. What he did after that is anybody’s guess.

After Cosby discarded his shackles and cuffs he escaped down a sewer tunnel in the jail.  His whereabouts are currently unknown, but he was fleetingly spotted emerging from a manhole in west central Philly.

aholes2

The police are having a hard time tracking the famous fugitive as their tracker hounds are disoriented by the cornucopia of rancid smells in the sewers.

Trump Goes To Walmart

President Donald Trump made a pit stop yesterday. On his way to a rally in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, Trump heeded the bright idea of his advisers and decided to check out a Walmart in Posumneck, Mississippi.  The reasoning behind the Walmart visit was a kill two birds with one stone brainstorm. Trump could mingle with his rabid base, who are frequent visitors to the discount retail giant, at the same time he could check out for himself that photo I.D. cards are not needed to buy groceries.

Earlier in the week at another hate filled rally in Florida, Trump incorrectly said that people need photo I.D. to buy groceries. He was out to left field on that one, but then again when was the last time Trump ventured into a grocery store?

Trump appeared to be in merry spirits as he walked around the Walmart in Posumneck. He was cheered and celebrated by the customers who had the ability to realize he was there.

Leroy Laflange, the guy wearing the light blue slip, pink hat and striped stockings, was quoted as saying: ” I am sure this gorgeous president will eventually lock up Hillary, and then he can send Obama back to Africa where he was born. And get this on the record you fake news reporter, make America great again, and F**k Canada”.

grocery

Below: Billy Bob, on the left, and Billy Ray on the right with the protruding pot belly wearing the wool smock, both stated that Trump could mow down school children with a machine gun in downtown Tallahassee and they would still support him. We love everything that man stands for. Especially his truth that people should not believe anything on TV news, magazines, newspapers, or any online current events information. In unison both shoppers stated they believe absolutely nothing, unless it comes out of Trump’s mouth.

grocery3

Trump mingled with the faithful.

grocery done (2)

grocery done (1)

Above: a reporter’s super sensitive microphone picked up Trump muttering something as he walked past Bucephelus Buck, the guy in the thongs and super short shorts, Trump said: “I have never seen so many retarded slobs in one place at one time in my life, where do these people get their fashion sense, in a pig sty? But what the hell, they love me, always smiling broadly with their toothless mugs. I love the degenerate bastards, I could wipe out a convent full of nuns with a rocket launcher and they would still vote for me the ignorant sombitches”.

grocery done 2

Above: Trump bragged that if it wasn’t for his tax cuts JesseBelle Coon, the fat ass riding down the aisle, would not have been able to afford the reinforced turbo powered mobility scooter. The tax cuts allowed the manufacturer to lower the cost.

Trump was heard mumbling something under his breath to the effect that the fat pig on the scooter should be sent to a zoo or better yet, put down.

All in all great visit to Walmart by the Trumpster. Donald was last seen leaving the store with four cans of discount tan spray with his photo I.D. attached to his lapel.

Reality TV Personalities Vying for the White House in 2020

Trump was the first Reality TV celeb to make it to the White House, good or bad depending on your political stripes. Now Oprah Winfrey is hinting she may make a run for President in 2020. Only in America, television celebrities with good ratings are the heroes that achieve anything they want.

Crystal Ball 2019

prez

News Bulletin Sun-Times: Donald Trump was impeached and sent to prison on various rape and sexual molestation convictions. Former President Trump was out of the 2020 White House race.

000karts (1)

Oprah Winfrey pounced on the opportunity and declared her candidacy for president. Being the smart strategist that Oprah is, she realized her running mate should be another likable reality TV star.

Non other than Cesar Milan!

prez1xxx

Oprah surmised that she could garner redneck votes by bringing a dogman onto the ticket.

With Trump cooped up at Sing Sing prison in New Jersey, the Republicans decided to follow the Democrats tactics.

The GOP ticket for 2020 would be made up of Pawn Stars head honcho Rick Harrison for president, and the running mate would be the Ghost Hunter RotoRooter plumber. Harrison’s political views are to the right of Heinrich Himmler. He is a rabid capitalist whose life source is sustained by massive gobs of cash.

It has been purported that he prays nightly at his own private money temple in his Las Vegas mansion. The temple is made up of pure gold and silver with a gigantic dollar sign in the middle. When he is done worshiping the god Mammon begging for more money he gets to work on his super computer bitcoin mining machine, most of the time assisted by the chubby Chumlee.

What a team! Every bald man’s dream team!

prez3xxxx

The GOP figured they could garner redneck votes by having a plumber on the ticket.

Chesty The Bulldog charged with sexual harassment after humping numerous legs

Corporal Chesty XIV

MARINE BARRACKS WASHINGTON, D.C. — Cpl. Chesty XIV, also known as Chesty The Bulldog, has been removed from his primary duties as the official Marine Corps mascot following multiple charges of sexual misconduct, sources confirmed today.

There were several cases involving accusations of leg humping, unsolicited face licking, and one claim of lewd sexting.

“I always suspected Chesty was letting his fame go to his head,” said Pfc. David Trimbull, a member of the Marine Corps Silent Drill Platoon. “We all heard rumors, but the command made it perfectly clear they wanted us to keep quiet.”

In 2016, a story emerged about Chesty when a server witnessed him cornering two Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders at the USO Gala in Washington, D.C.

“I was in absolute shock, just like them,” said the witness, whose name is withheld out of fear of reprisal. “I couldn’t move I was so scared, and when it was all over, all I could do was comfort them and offer some clean napkins.”

The two cheerleaders never pressed charges and refused to comment on the incident.

The Duffel Blog