Russian president Vladimir Putin had a close call with a grizzly bear in north-central Siberia two days ago. Putin was swimming in an ice cold river when a giant 800 pound grizzly ran out of the tree line straight for the outdoor enthusiast Putin. Putin had to swim for his life just to keep ahead of the bone crushing jaws and flesh piercing claws of the mad bear. Just as the crazed grizzly was going to pounce on Vlad, the president’s security detail opened up with rocket propelled grenades and AK-47 machine guns, bringing the berserk grizzly down with a massive fusillade of firepower.
Vladimir breast stroking for his life
According to reliable sources, Vlad was mentally shaken after the incident. Prez Putin feels he has a metaphysical rapport with wild creatures. And this incident just didn’t jive with that perception. The Moscow Sun-Times is reporting that Vladimir is considering hunting the giant grizzlies in the near future.
A thousand miles to the west in Afghanistan, another bizarre attack occurred. In the towering Hindu Kush mountains of Afghanistan, what can only be described as a huge Yeti type creature ambushed a platoon of Taliban fighters. The anti-government Taliban had stopped in a mountain pass for a goat barbeque. All seemed well, the bearded Jihadists were mingling after the feast, discussing the after-life martyr paradise where they would be treated to free wine and unlimited virgin girls. When up from behind the group a fifteen foot brown Yeti stealthily snuck up and sent the Taliban mountain men to that very paradise they were lauding.
Just prior to the attack the Taliban had set up a camera for a group selfie
U.S. Special Forces soldiers came across the scene while on patrol and discovered the camera among the carnage. The Jihadists had been ripped to shreds the American commander reported. A Delta operator with the American patrol was later quoted as saying, “first we have to fight these suicidal Taliban fanatics, now we have a giant Sasquatch thingamajig lurking out there somewhere, what the f#@k is next in this crazy place?”
This was reported 2 months ago. Since then all U.S. forces have evacuated Afghanistan.