Forgot their thinking caps

If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you’ll begin to think you’re a genius..

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(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,”

–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”

–Mariah Carey

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“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,”

— Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign

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“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”

–Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,”

–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC . ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”

–A congressional candidate in Texas ..

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“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”

–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it..”

–Al Gore, Vice President

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“I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ..”

— Dan Quayle

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“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”

–Lee Iacocca

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“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”

–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.”

— Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

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“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 2020 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”

–Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

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“Traditionally, most of Australia ‘s imports come from overseas.”

–Keppel Enderbery

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“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”

— Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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Trump Tweets”

Apu Quotes

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon (Bengali: আপু নাহাসাপিমাপেটিলন) is a fictional character in the animated TV series The Simpsons. He is the Indian immigrant proprietor of the Kwik-E-Mart, a popular convenience store in Springfield, and is best known for his catchphrase, “Thank you, come again.” He is voiced by Hank Azaria and first appeared in the episode “The Telltale Head”.

Since 2007, the character’s alleged stereotyping of Indians, and voicing by a non-Indian, have been the source of controversy.

apu1

Oh my god! If a dead fish and a homeless person had a baby and the baby puked, and a dog ate the puke, this smells like the rear end of that dog!

Thank you, masked vigilante. Your over-zealous homicide has saved me 80 cents. Now if you’re not going to buy anything, please move along.

Homer: Your old meat made me sick.
Apu: I am so sorry, sir. Please accept five pounds of frozen shrimp.
Homer: These shrimp aren’t frozen, and they smell funny.
Apu: Okay, ten pounds.
Homer: Woohoo!

Thank you for coming. I’ll see you in Hell!

Apu: It may not be glamorous, but it’s good honest work.
Customer: How much is this quart of milk?
Apu: Twelve dollars.

Apu: I would like to see this money spent on more police officers. I have been shot eight times this year. As a result, I almost missed work.
Chief Wiggum: Cry-baby.

Apu: Poor Mister Homer. Could it be that my snack treats are responsible for his wretched health?
Customer: Give me some jerky.
Apu: Would you like some vodka with that?
Customer: Oh, what the hell, sure.

“This is not a lending library. Now, put the magazine down or I’ll blow your heads off!”

Hercules in New York – Arnold vs the Bear Fight

Hercules in New York is a 1970 low-budget fantasy comedy film. It is notable for being the first feature film to star (a then-unknown) Arnold Schwarzenegger, who was about 22 years old when the film was produced. It is further notable for being one of the films that Schwarzenegger admits regretting having appeared in.

In the scene a bear escapes from the Central Park zoo. Arnie confronts the bear and the fight begins. They grapple for a while then Hercules body slams the bear. After he has the bear down Herc starts choking the furry brute and punches it into submission.