Watching a Canadian Football League game tonight. It was pouring cats and dogs. But unlike baseball, they played on.
1. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cause I’m Kissing You Good-bye.
2. I Don’t Know Whether To Kill Myself or Go Bowling.
3. If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.
4. I Sold A Car To A Guy Who Stole My Girl, But It Don’t Run So We’re Even.
5. Mama Get A Hammer (There’s A Fly On Daddy’s Head).
6. If The Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me.
7. She’s Actin’ Single and I’m Drinkin’ Doubles.
8. How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away.
9. I Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You.
10. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.
11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim’s Gettin’ Better.
12. I Wouldn’t Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win.
13. I’ll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let’s Honeymoon Tonight.
14. I’m So Miserable Without You; It’s Like Having You Here.
15. I’ve Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back Cryin’ Over You.
16. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I’d Be Out By Now.
17. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don’t Love You.
18. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Sure Do Miss Him.
19. Please Bypass My Heart.
20. She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger.
21. You Done Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat.
22. You’re the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.
23. Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure.
24. She’s Looking Better After Every Beer.
25. I Ain’t Never Gone To Bed With An Ugly Woman, But I Sure Woke Up With a Few.
The Cone of Silence is one of many recurring joke devices from Get Smart, a 1960s American comedy television series about an inept spy. The essence of the joke is that the apparatus, designed for secret conversations, makes it impossible for those inside the device – and easy for those outside the device – to hear the conversation.
The portable Cone of Silence.
At least Google’s face-blurring technology takes privacy seriously — even for non-humans.
The photo was captured in Cambridge, England and shows a cow grazing by a river with a blurred-out face — something Google usually only does for the humans it captures as it drives about photographing cities for its Street View service.
In a statement to the BBC, Google said, “we thought you were pulling the udder one when we herd the moos, but it’s clear that our automatic face-blurring technology has been a little overzealous. Of course, we don’t begrudge this cow milking its five minutes of fame.”
Here is the real intention. North End Winnipeggers partying on the street.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”. The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”
The second place finisher and early leader was this joke, submitted by Geoff Anandappa of Blackpool: Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.” Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.” Holmes said: “And what do you deduce from that?” Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.” And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”
While this was the top joke in the UK:
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
This is a bit juvenile. But what the hey.
Meglinating Variable Intensity Multifunction Power Tool