An Insider’s Brief, but concise Biography of President Donald Trump


The following excerpt is from former Donald Trump butler Andrej Timotej. He just released a short biography on the president. Originally from Yakastonia, Andrej immigrated to America in 1978 after being sponsored by ‘The Donald’.  Donald spotted him in the “How to Hire a Fabulous Butler” newsletter.

Andrej was known for receiving guests with grace and professionalism, his stellar dusting skills, table setting artistry and being an excellent receptacle for Donald’s vents. He was fired by Donald after he refused to move to the White House, preferring to stay in Trump Tower.

The excerpt

Donald has a gruff, overbearing demeanor, largely defined by his bigotry towards a diverse group of individuals– blacks, Hispanics, “Commies”, gays, hippies, Jews, Catholics, “women’s libbers”, and Mexican-Americans are frequent targets of his barbs. It eventually becomes apparent that Donald’s prejudice is not motivated by malice, but is rather a combination of the era and environment in which he was raised and a generalized misanthropy (Misanthropy is the general hatred, distrust or contempt of the human species or human nature).
Donald himself is a hard worker, loving father, and basically decent man; nevertheless, he is bad-tempered and frequently tells his long-suffering wife Melania to “stifle yourself” and “dummy up”.
As he gets older Donald mellows somewhat, albeit often out of necessity. In one situation, he expressed revulsion for a Ku Klux Klan-like organization which he accidentally joined. On another occasion, when asked to speak at the funeral of his friend Moses Liebowitz, Donald—surprised to learn that his friend was Jewish—overcomes his initial discomfort and delivers a moving eulogy, closing with a heartfelt “Shalom”.
Donald is also known for his frequent malapropisms and spoonerisms. For example, he refers to Melania’s gynecologist as a “groinacologist” and to Catholic priests who go around sprinkling “incest” (incense) on their congregation. These have become dubbed “Trumperisms”, or simply “Donald-isms”.
Over the course of his adult life, Donald mocks or belittles not just most minorities (including blacks, Hispanics, Latinos, Jews, and Asians), but also most white ethnic groups as well, including the English, Germans, Irish, and Polish.
Donald often misquotes the Bible. He is Protestant, though his specific denomination is never stated. He takes pride in being religious, although he rarely attends church services and constantly mispronounces the name of his minister, Reverend Felcher, as “Reverend Fletcher”.

The mini-biography was released last week. Trump has promptly filed a $15 million lawsuit against Mr. Timotej.

The text above describing Donald is my rearrangement of a biography of Archie Bunker in Wikipedia. Do they not seem very similar in an uncanny way?

Archibald “Archie” Bunker is a fictional character from the 1970s American television sitcom All in the Family and its spin-off Archie Bunker’s Place, played by Carroll O’Connor. Bunker, a main character of the series, is a World War II veteran, reactionary conservative, blue-collar worker, and family man. Described as a “lovable bigot”, he was first seen by the American public when All in the Family premiered on January 12, 1971, where he was depicted as the head of a family. In 1979, the show was retooled and renamed Archie Bunker’s Place; it finally went off the air in 1983. Bunker lived at the fictional address of 704 Hauser Street in the borough of Queens, in New York City.


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