Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Mark Twain

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

George Burns

When we talk to God, we’re praying. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Robin Williams

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.

Josh Billings

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.

Socrates

 

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.

Woody Allen

 

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.

George Carlin