Hinterland Who’s Who : the Black Spectacled Giant Brown Manitoba Sasquatch

Most adult Bigfoot sightings have the creatures between 7-8 feet tall and rough estimates on weight is somewhere between 500-800 pounds. This description is uniform across North America (the Florida Skunk Ape has a different height and weight, more like a mutated Orangutan).  However, there is a super-tall sub-species of the North American Sasquatch that inhabits the forest and bush country of Manitoba, the Black Spectacled Giant Brown Manitoba Sasquatch, a True Monster!


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The regular Sasquatch species to the left 7-9′ tall, his name is Gimlin, he’s photo-opping with his agent.  And a Black-spectacled Manitoba Squatch to the right, 12-14 ‘ tall. This Squatch, nicknamed Red River, is testing moonshine at a racist convention in Dodge City, Texas.

The Manitoba Sasquatch is NBA material. They are purported to be as tall as 1.5 Kareem Abdul Jabaars.  They are super-tall. Why?! Not sure. It could have something to do with the boreal forest they inhabit. Small trees allow for taller animals to look above and see the endless horizon.

It will take a good dose of tranquilizer to knock one of these down, then haul it to a secret lab and determine if it’s a relic of an ancient ape or a lost -missing link -, homo sapiens sub-species that decided to stay wild and live in the bush.


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The Wookiees are related to the Sasquatch, it has been surmised by Professor Antonio Andulazia of the University of Prague.

The Hmppphf family taking a family photo in Austin, Texas.





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