Month: March 2017

Trailer Park Boys Jim Lahey Shittacisms

Markozen.com Offbeat, Television

Beware: strong language

I just noticed Trailer Park Boys reruns are back on the tube after a little hiatus. Amazing how you don’t realize how much you miss something until it is gone. But the boys are back.

The first thing that struck me was Jim Lahey’s shittaphors.Lahey is the old warped drunkard who from time to time manages the trailer park.  The man loves the word shit. He adds the word to almost everything he has to say. And sometimes it comes across as quite funny.

So I wasted my time compiling the list below.

Lahey taking a small swig

jim

You know what you get when two shit-tectonic plates collide? Shitquakes, Julian. Shitquakes.

Shit-apples never fall far from the shit-tree

Yes I used to drink Randy but I got the shitmonkey off my back for good

The shit pool’s gettin full Randy, time to strain the shit before it overflows. I will not have a Pompeiian shit catastrophe on my hands

Your shit-goose is cooked, Ricky

I’m watching you, like a shithawk

The ole shit liner is coming to port, and I’ll be there to tie her up.

He’s about to enter the shit tornado to Oz.

Do you feel that Randy, the way the shit clings to the air? Shit Blizzard

Captain Shittacular

Did you see that Randy, Goddamn shitapple driving the shitmobile. No body else in this park gives a fuck why should I?

Birds of a shitfeather flock together, Randy.

We’re in the eye of a shiticane here Julian, and Ricky’s a low shit system!

Never Cry Shitwolf

When you plant shit seeds, you get shit weeds.

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 Lahey and his sidekick Randy in the drunk tank. Notice Lahey has wet himself.

you boys have loaded up a hair-trigger, double barrelled shitmachinegun, and the barrel’s pointing right at your own heads

How dare you involve my daughter in your hemisphere of shit

We’re sailing into a shit typhoon Randy, we’d better haul in the jib before it gets covered in shit

“You started this shitstorm, limpy.”

Ricky: “Why bother with a couple of shit sticks when you can have the whole shit trolley?” Lahey: “Nice shit analogy, Rick.”

“When you keep getting pelted by shit balls, Deputy, you gotta get a shit bat.”

“We gotta nail those shitiots.”

“Well, Ricky, it looks like you cooked your shit goose this time.”

(Erica:) “Ricky is a shit leopard that can’t change his spots.”

“Those two shit rats just pissed on forty dollars worth of eclairs at the bake sale.”

“It’s some kind of distraction from those shitniks.”

“He grew up as a little shit spark from the old shit flint hen he turned into a shit bonfire and then, driven by the winds of his monumental ignorance, he turned into a raging shit firestorm. If I get to be married to Barb, I’ll have total control of Sunnyvale and then I can unleash a shitnami tidal wave that will engulf Ricky and extinguish his shit flames forever. And, with any luck, he’ll drown in the undershit of that wave….shit waves.”

“You just opened Pandora’s shit box, Ray.”

“Shit moths, Randy. They started out as little tiny shit larvae, and then they turned into shitapillars, a pandemic of shitapillars. Everywhere you look, Randy, shitapillars. I tried to put an end to the shitapillars life cycle, but I failed. And now? Shit moths.”

“I sense a shit derailment coming.”

“Listen, we don’t want to cause any shit talk here, boys. Matter of fact, I’ve been thinking about shit a lot less these days. Seeing as how I stepped in so much over the last few years, I’m sick of shit. Sick of shit.”

St. Patrick’s Day has to have The Pogues

Markozen.com Music

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If I should fall from grace with god
Where no doctor can relieve me
If I’m buried ‘neath the sod
But the angels won’t receive me

Let me go boys
Let me go boys
Let me go down in the mud
Where the rivers all run dry

This land was always ours
Was the proud land of our fathers
It belongs to us and them
Not to any of the others

Let them go boys
Let them go boys
Let them go down in the mud
Where the rivers all run dry

Bury me at sea
Where no murdered ghost can haunt me
If I rock upon the waves
No corpse can lie upon me

It’s coming up three boys
Keeps coming up three boys
Let them go down in the mud
Where the rivers all run dry

If I should fall from grace with god
Where no doctor can relieve me
If I’m buried ‘neath the sod
And still the angels won’t receive me

Let me go boys
Let me go boys
Let me go down in the mud
Where the rivers all run dry

Huge Black Wolves Videoed running along highway in the Northwest Territories

Markozen.com Animals

A woman driving on Highway 3 to work office in Edzo, N.W.T., filmed two black wolves running alongside her on the road on Friday.
Rhonda Miller recorded the encounter on her phone. She said when she spotted the first animal, she thought it was a man walking down the road.
“I thought that was strange because you don’t normally see people walking on the road that far out,” Miller said.

“I slowed down a bit and I got closer. I thought it was a bear, and I thought, it can’t be a bear because it was the wrong time of year.”

Then she spotted a second animal.

“My body immediately became afraid,” Miller said.

“I was so struck by the size of their heads and their jaws.”

Miller said she followed the animals for a couple minutes in her car and filmed them as she passed.

She said the wolves were running “flat out.”

“So many men have asked, how fast were they going? Had I been a man I may have looked. I don’t know. I think between 40 and 50 [km/h]…  it was fast.”

‘I thought it was a bear’: N.W.T. woman captures ride alongside 2 black wolves – North – CBC News <!–/g/i/yuimodules/3.11.0.js–>

Miller said she has seen many different animals on the highway, but never wolves.

She said she recorded the encounter because she thought no one would believe her if she didn’t.

“When I got to school, I shared it with the teachers and kids,” Miller said. “Everybody was just amazed. I think just the power of them and the beauty of them, seeing them running like that, flat out, is pretty inspiring.”

Donald Trump’s hair has gone purple

Markozen.com Offbeat

A major crisis has permeated the White House. A cosmetic malfunction caused president Trump’s hair to turn purple. His usually well-kept orange hair is no more. It all started at the Winter White House in Florida, Mar-a-Lago. Donald’s regular hair manipulator Roscico Sandeluseezu came down with shingles. He was rushed to hospital in Atlanta.

The Trump team acted quickly and brought in provocative, yet world renown hair sculptor Vassily Yakamoronziev from Russia. Vassily does Putin’s hair, or at least what is left of it. It is purported that he also does Kim jong un’s hair. As the story goes, leaked by Wikileaks, Vassily got the chemicals that usually go into Trump’s hair concoction mixed up. He thought he was adding anionic crust dye to the mixture when he was actually adding acrylic fiber, woad, indigo, saffron and madder. The results speak for themselves.

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White House press secretary Sean Spice said Donald will be wearing a ‘Make America Great Again’ red baseball cap for the foreseeable future.

Vassily’s hair artistry on Putin and Kim jong un:

hip

kimzxzx

 

A Canyon That Fighter Pilots Love To Scream Through

Markozen.com Aviation

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In Death Valley National Park, north of Barstow, California, is Rainbow Canyon. It’s not especially remarkable, just one canyon in an area full of them, all but indistinguishable from its neighbors in an area populated mainly by snakes. But stand on one of the canyon tops for long enough and a fighter jet will suddenly roar into the valley below you, flying fast and very, very low. It will be visible for only a few seconds before it turns hard and disappears behind the next hill. But during those few moments, anyone with a camera has a brief chance to take a spectacular picture. Rainbow Canyon (or Star Wars Canyon, as some call it) is part of the R-2508 restricted airspace complex, host to a busy, low-level training route for combat aircraft.

Military pilots train to fly low and fast, hiding behind hills to fool radar and going fast enough that they can’t be shot at. Since flying is a perishable skill, every fighter or attack pilot periodically has to practice such low-level flights. Rainbow Canyon is in the desert of eastern California, where the population is sparse and the airspace wide open. It’s also surrounded by military bases, bombing ranges, maneuvering grounds and radars—an ideal spot for military pilots to hone their skills. Among the nearby facilities are Edwards AFB, Naval Air Station China Lake, and Plant 42 (where Lockheed and Northrop build advanced aircraft).
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Video
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US Marine Harrier
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Alien Cow Abduction Lamp

Markozen.com Animals, Paranormal, Space

Always the cows getting abducted by the Space Aliens. What do those sneaky Aliens want with the bovine?  They sometimes seem to release the cows, sometimes not.

cow

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Some entrepreneur has come up with a really cool idea. An abduction lamp.

cow2

I have to get this lamp.

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Why always dairy cows? This could be more about milk than beef. After travelling a billion light years and only half way to their destination, the space aliens have run out of milk, they know cows exist on Earth. So why not take a small side trip to the blue planet and beam up some cows, get a human abductee farmer to milk them. Voila, fresh, glorious cold milk. Totally worth the trip.

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Canadian government announces new drone regulations

Markozen.com Aviation

The Canadian Government has introduced new rules for recreational drone users. Drone user will face a fine of up to $3,000 if you are caught flying:

  • Higher than 90 metres
  • Within 75 metres of buildings, vehicles, vessels, animals or people
  • More than 500 metres away from you
  • At night, in clouds or somewhere you can’t see it
  • Within nine kilometres of somewhere aircraft take off or land, or a forest fire
  • Without your name, address and phone number marked on the drone itself
  • Over forest fires, emergency response scenes or controlled airspace

Winnipeg no-fly radius from the airport.

drone

The drone operator in the vid below may be over 90 meters (300 feet). And he is over the Forks, which is within the 9 kilometer no-fly radius. Do this today and he would be $3,000 poorer.