Giant Beasts attack Putin and Taliban

Russian president Vladimir Putin had a close call with a grizzly bear in north-central Siberia two days ago.  Putin was swimming in an ice cold river when a giant 800 pound grizzly ran out of the tree line straight for the outdoor enthusiast Putin. Putin had to swim for his life just to keep ahead of the bone crushing jaws and flesh piercing claws of the mad bear. Just as the crazed grizzly was going to pounce on Vlad, the president’s security detail opened up with rocket propelled grenades and AK-47 machine guns, bringing the berserk grizzly down with a massive fusillade of firepower.

Vladimir breast stroking for his life


According to reliable sources, Vlad was mentally shaken after the incident. Prez Putin feels he has a metaphysical rapport with wild creatures. And this incident just didn’t jive with that perception. The Moscow Sun-Times is reporting that Vladimir is considering hunting the giant grizzlies in the near future.

A thousand miles to the west in Afghanistan, another bizarre attack occurred.  In the towering Hindu Kush mountains of Afghanistan, what can only be described as a huge Yeti type creature ambushed a platoon of Taliban fighters.  The anti-government Taliban had stopped in a mountain pass for a goat barbeque. All seemed well, the bearded Jihadists were mingling after the feast, discussing the after-life martyr paradise where they would be treated to free wine and unlimited virgin girls.  When up from behind the group a fifteen foot brown Yeti stealthily snuck up and sent the Taliban mountain men to that very paradise they were lauding.

Just prior to the attack the Taliban had set up a camera for a group selfie


U.S. Special Forces soldiers came across the scene while on patrol and discovered the camera among the carnage. The Jihadists had been ripped to shreds the American commander reported.  A Delta operator with the American patrol was later quoted as saying, “first we have to fight these suicidal Taliban fanatics, now we have a giant Sasquatch thingamajig lurking out there somewhere, what the f#@k is next in this crazy place?”

This was reported 2 months ago. Since then all U.S. forces have evacuated Afghanistan.

Sharks Stalk Surfers at Bondi Beach

Some of these people have more balls than I will ever have. They knowingly take the risk.

Aerial footage captured by a news helicopter over Bondi beach in Sydney, Australia, shows several sharks lurking only meters away from dozens of unaware surfers and swimmers. The apex predators were drawn to the area by large schools of bait fish. “This is the one place that I would not be, I would not be amongst a big school of fish like that,” said marine biologist Culum Brown. Lifeguards deployed jet skis to warn those in the water and attempt to lure the sharks away from the popular beach.

‘Prime Creator of Earth’ Interrupts Coronavirus Press Conference in Australia

This pandemic is making many people go completely nuts.

A press conference detailing renewed Covid-related travel restrictions in Australia took a bizarre turn when a man proclaiming himself to be the “prime creator of this Earth” interrupted the proceedings. The very strange incident reportedly unfolded on Sunday as the police commissioner for the state of New South Wales, Mick Fuller, was addressing the media about a recently enacted two-week lockdown to try and thwart the spread of the worrisome and highly contagious Delta coronavirus variant which has recently cropped up in considerable numbers in Australia. The otherwise formal affair became chaotic when a bearded man made his way through the crowd of reporters with a rather weird line of inquiry and an even odder declaration.

“Did you receive my notice of cease and desist,” the interloper asked Fuller, who informed him that it was not his turn to ask a question. The man, later identified as Sean Alun-David Thomas, was undeterred by the official’s dismissal and, instead, attempted to hand him a copy of the document to which he was referring. In turn, Fuller was understandably uneasy about the eccentric-looking individual forcing his way towards him and declared “don’t come near me.” It was at that point that Thomas revealed his ‘true identity,’ telling the police commissioner that “I captured everything. I am the prime creator of this Earth.”

Despite possibly being in the presence of a divine being, a police officer on the scene stayed true to his duty and escorted Thomas away from the press conference. As the cop tried to explain that he had to exit the area, the self-described prime creator shouted “I am God! All of these lies, deceits, and deceptions that are being perpetrated on all of the system and all of the public, you are all protected and will be saved under my laws.” Thomas was later fined $1,000 for violating Australia’s lockdown regulations, though one assumes that is mere pocket change if he truly is the prime creator of Earth.

As for the cease and desist order that he had attempted to issue to Fuller, Thomas shared a copy of the document with members of the media who were at the press conference and, as one might have guessed, the document was quite peculiar. In it, the man reasserts the claim that he is the “prime creator of all existence” and demands an end to all restrictions created due to the coronavirus. Thomas goes on to assert that the Covid vaccine is “RNA altering” and will damage the genetics of all species. This seemingly unforeseen development, he cautions, will ultimately lead to the near extinction of not only humans, but also the “Draco, reptilian” race by the year 2800.

British Woman Claims to Have Fallen in Love with Alien that Abducted Her

In a bizarre story out of Britain, a woman claims that she has fallen in love with an alien from the Andromeda galaxy after the ET had abducted her. Actress Abbie Bela’s remarkable romance reportedly started when she lamented online about her lackluster love life, particularly her problems with “men from Earth,” which led her to joke that perhaps she would have better luck dating an alien. Shortly thereafter, she began having recurring dreams of a white light and these mysterious experiences culminated with one magical evening wherein she believes that she met her soulmate from outer space.

Having been instructed by a voice in her dream to “wait in the usual spot” the following night, she sat perched by her window and, suddenly, “a flying saucer appeared outside.” The actress was quickly transported onto the craft by way of a green beam. While aboard the UFO, Bela says, she encountered five extraterrestrials who were “very tall and slender,” yet also appeared somewhat human. According to Bela, she immediately felt smitten with one particular ET and, to her surprise, the alien was also overtaken by love at first sight when they connected.

The entity was apparently so enamored with the actress that she was offered the opportunity to remain on the ship and pursue the unorthodox relationship, but Bela was fearful of being forced to leave Earth forever, so she opted to return home. Alas, like a Shakespearean play, this was the last she saw of her would-be interstellar paramour, though she has not given up hope that they will meet again. Keeping an overnight bag packed for when the alien returns, Bela mused that “I hope he comes back. I am willing to visit the Andromeda galaxy.”

China elephants: Herd on mammoth 500 km trek reaches Kunming

A herd of elephants that packed its trunks for an unexpected 500km (300 mile) trek has arrived at a Chinese city where millions of people live.

The 15 elephants have been hoovering up crops and poking their noses through doors on the march from the south of Yunnan province to its capital Kunming.

A big effort – with tonnes of food – is under way to try and keep them safe.

It is unclear why they left their habitat to embark on the journey, which has captivated residents and experts.

Some have suggested an inexperienced leader may have led the herd astray, while other believe the elephants could be searching for a new habitat.

The Asian elephant is an endangered species. China has only about 300 wild elephants, mainly in the south of Yunnan province.

Scientists say this is the furthest any of the wild elephants there have travelled from the habitat.

The Kunming Daily says the cities of Kunming and Yuxi deployed almost 700 police and emergency workers armed with 10 tonnes of corn, pineapples and other food. They were backed up by trucks and drones to try to divert the animals on to a safe path.

Don’t gawk or leave corn or salt out; keep your distance and don’t disturb them with firecrackers, residents have been told.

The journey has comprised a mixture of farms, tracks and asphalt and has continued night and day

Animal experts say the herd appears to have gathered pace, possibly because the heavier human population has increased its fears, and it is unlikely the elephants would try to enter Kunming.

Efforts to turn them around have failed, and scientists may have to try and find them a suitable place to live nearby.

Tale of the journey

It’s not exactly clear when the herd left home, which was probably the Mengyangzi Nature Reserve in Xishuangbanna, in south-west Yunnan.

Officials appear to have been first alerted to their movements when locals spotted the herd about 100km north of Xishuangbanna in April.

There were thought to be 17 elephants initially, but two appeared to turn back when reaching Mojiang county. Other reports say it was 16 originally but a newborn calf helped the number back to 15 once the two abandoned the trek.

As for the journey, it has comprised a mixture of farms, tracks and asphalt and has continued night and day.

At one stage the group took a main road through the village of Eshan and apparently banged on residents’ doors.

A video on social media showed people running down the street shouting “they are coming”, followed soon after by a police car and the elephants, the South China Morning Post reported.

A Yunnan government notice said the herd had “caused trouble 412 times” there.

Stories abound, including of one elderly man who the Jimu News channel said had hidden under his bed in his retirement home as trunks were poked into rooms.

At least one elephant got drunk on fermented grain in a report that is – naturally – quite difficult to confirm.

And more than $1m (£710,000) worth of crops has been pilfered along the way. Fortunately, no one has been injured.

One report says the herd is made-up of six female and three male adults, three juveniles and three calves.

Why did they leave?

There was some dry humour on social media in China. One post on the Weibo social media site said the animals probably wanted to attend the UN Biodiversity Conference meeting in Kunming. They are a bit early, as it isn’t taking place until October.

The herd took a main road through Eshan

But this is a serious issues too – involving habitat loss and increasing altercations between elephants and farmers in Yunnan.

Li Zhongyuan, a Xishuangbanna forestry official, told the Global Times that the traditional diet of the elephants had depleted in their habitat, with the animals now changing to agricultural crops like corn and sugar cane.

There could be similar treks if the habitat is reduced further by the planting of rubber and other cash crops.

Rumors of ‘Shapeshifting Boar Demon’ Spark Hysteria in Indonesian Village

Panic recently spread throughout a village in Indonesia as several residents believed that they had fallen victim to a shapeshifting boar demon that stole their money. The bizarre case reportedly began a few weeks ago in the community of Bedehan, when numerous people began to notice that their wealth had mysteriously depleted. As concerns began to grow, a self-proclaimed mystic stepped forward and pointed the finger at one particular individual who is unemployed, yet seemingly wants for nothing. The sorceress went on to accuse the inexplicably rich resident of practicing a very strange form of black magic.

According to the mystic-fueled speculation which had quickly spread throughout the village, the suspected individual had become what is known as a ‘babi ngepet.’ Such a being, legend has it, utilizes a magical cloak that transforms them into a boar. Upon taking that form, the swine then sneaks into homes and uses its powers to somehow extract riches from the residents. The ill-gotten loot subsequently appears beneath the cloak when the babi ngepet becomes a human again. While such a tale may sound wildly implausible to some, belief in the shapeshifting boar demon is apparently widely believed in some parts of the world and, in this case, the accusations caused quite the furor in Bedehan.

Looking to put an end to the babi ngepet’s reign of terror, a veritable posse of villagers tracked down and captured a boar that they suspected was the source of all of their troubles. Although the furious group ‘graciously’ offering any relative of the person believed to be inhabiting the swine’s body to come forward and claim their loved one, no one answered the call and, as such, they opted to behead the creature as part of a ritual designed to stop the sorcery once and for all. Amazingly, videos centered around the community’s weird pursuit of the mystical being went viral on social media in Indonesia and ultimately wound up making national news in the country.

A subsequent investigation by police in Bedehan determined that the pig was not a babi ngepet and, in fact, was just a run-of-the-mill boar that had unfortunately found itself the target of an angry mob. Meanwhile, the mystic who started all the speculation in the first place soon became the target of the community’s ire, since residents had been widely mocked on social media for believing in the legendary tale of the shapeshifting boar demon. Despite apologizing for her actions, the sorceress was banished from the village and could face criminal charges for causing the commotion.