We’ve all been there. You wake up, and it feels like someone has been up all night using your brain as a trampoline. A ray of light shoots into your eyes from a crack in the curtain, slicing straight through to your soul. The headache intensifies, and what feels like the viscous ghost of Jack the Ripper himself rages about inside your stomach. You’re hungover, brutally, and you can’t believe you let it happen again.
You know you’ve got to sleep, but your aching brain won’t let you. So what then? Well – we’ve scoured the murky depths of the internet to find out what people around the world have done in their post-boozy moments of desperation. Here’s our rundown of the 10 weirdest hangover cures from around the world.
Bull Penis Jerky – Italy
It’s funny – it sounds absolutely revolting, but we all know that moment where you’d try absolutely anything to feel better. If we lived on a farm in Italy and we woke up with a blistering hangover, and all there was left in the fridge was a bit of dry, old bull penis – heck, even we’d give it a try!
Ground Rhino Horn – Vietnam
So you’ve cruelly poached a rhino, forcibly removed it’s horn, but then discovered that rhino horns aren’t made of ivory. What do you do now with this useless lump of keratin? Peddle it as a miracle hangover cure to desperate sufferers. Obviously, it doesn’t work – so come on guys, please don’t kill any more rhinos for useless horn dust.
Umeboshi (Ultra-pickled Japanese Apricot) – Japan
This pickled cure from Japan is a ludicrous combination of ultra-salty and ultra-sour, and supposedly it’s been used for years to treat hangovers – we’re guessing that it only works because it instantly makes you throw up, improving your condition slightly.
Bottle Revenge – Haiti
Ask a Haitian Voodoo Shaman how to cure your soul-sapping hangover, and he’ll tell you to stick pins in the cork of the wine bottle that cursed you. The funny thing is – this probably does make you feel better, in a purely emotional kind of way.
Poutine – Canada
Rich, meaty gravy and gooey cheese curds poured over skin on fries – now THAT’s a hangover cure we can all get on board with.
Fertilised Duck Embryo – Phillipines
There seems to be a bit of a theme here – it seems that some countries apply the logic that if you eat something more repulsive than a hangover, the hangover will improve. We’re not convinced.
Pickled Sheep’s Eyeballs in Tomato Juice – Mongolia
See what we mean? Seriously – whoever was the first guy in Mongolia to suggest this, you should kick him out. He’s not helping anyone.
Irn-Bru Sausage – Scotland
We all know Red Bull gives you wings, but apparently Irn Bru cures hangovers (only if cooked up with our favourite cylindrical cut of reconstituted meat, of course!).
Buffalo Milk – Namibia
No – it’s not real buffalo milk (surprisingly, considering the other approaches we’ve seen so far), but it’s the name for a very boozy concoction of rum and double cream which is a Namibian cure for the hangover. Essentially, this is a cream-wrapped hair of the dog then.
Hangover Heaven – USA
In Las Vegas, there’s a company called Hangover Heaven who will pick you up and drive you around on their bus for an hour whilst you’re cured by an IV drip, which injects a chemical solution continuously that ACTUALLY fixes your hangover. Weird, but unlike most things on this list, effective.
… we could tell you that a Double Bourbon Bad Boy burger at Revolution is the only cure you’ll ever need – but that would be a little biased of us, right? Then again –
Just look at that bad boy. What more could your body need when it’s feeling rough?