Stuart MacLean puts lackadaisical inside of boredom wrapped in watching paint dry. This guy is dry boring. Stuart is a radio show phenom in senior citizen homes across Canada. His show, The Vinyl Café, is on CBC radio every Sunday at noon. I have tried to listen to it, but I fall asleep every time. The show is monotonous, tedious, irksome, tiresome, humdrum and so lacking in anything interesting that it should be bottled as a new super sedative.
The Vinyl Café is a complete rip-off of Garrison Keillor’s A Prairie Home Companion, a show from south of the border. Vinyl Café is all about Stuart’s storytelling. Real fluff. An example is: Morley and Dave went grocery shopping, on the way Morley realized he forgot to put underwear on, Dave said that’s okay, I’ll give you mine, then a cat crossed under a step ladder and all hell broke loose. By all hell we mean Morley and Dave heard a siren in the distance. Morley said I sure hope that cute granny who lives in the red house didn’t do anything wrong. This made Dave laugh so hard he shit his pants, thereby not allowing him to give Morley his shorts.
When Morley and Dave got home they realized they forgot laundry detergent. Morley said Dave you will have to wash those crappy shorts with toothpaste. As Morley said this Dave was taking a drink from his glass of milk, Dave burst into uncontrollable laughter causing him to regurgitate his milk through his nose. This caused Morley to pass out. And so it goes. Boring insignificant blather.
How this show has remained popular is one of the great mysteries of the universe. Mind you the audiences that Stuart plays to are generally rural hicks who revere Don Knotts and the TV show Family Feud. No Jon Stewart crowd here. Stuart gets his biggest audiences in Yellowknife, Kamloops, Selkirk and Weyburn for example. He isn’t too popular in the big cities. He has a country audience. The ruralites will stop combining during harvest to load up the family and drive to the parish hall to listen to Stuart’s gabble.
I wish CBC would fire Stuart and put on something else. Stuart could make a living reading story books to horses in labour. His soothing delivery would make the mares relax and have no trouble farting out the colt. I rest my case.
Don’t have to fire poor Stuart. He’s dead. This is rough for me to stay, but good riddance, this idiot was a super-wimp! I hate wimps.