As Hurricane Maria barrels towards Puerto Rico right after the “nuclear Hurricane Irma” blasted through the Caribbean and Florida, CNN again intends on providing cutting edge coverage. The only problem this time is that many journalists that CNN tasked with covering Maria are calling in sick.

CNN drops the reporters right in the middle of the path of the Hurricane and expects them to deal with the punishing wind, blowing debris, storm surges and pelting rainfall as long as they can hold out. Some insiders have leaked that half a dozen CNN Hurricane Irma correspondents came down with wicked colds and skin wrinkling after being subjected to hours of being soaked and drenched by tidal flows and fire hose like rain.

At CNN headquarters in Atlanta upper management was purported to be panicking after a call for Hurricane volunteers has went unheeded. Some reporters have called in sick, others have claimed they have family funerals to attend and some said they have to take stress leave which are backed up by doctor’s notes.

The Washington Post has just released a breaking news story that CNN has hired Chuck Norris to tackle Hurricane Maria. Rumour has it that Norris can beat anything. Chuck will be flown over the ocean miles off the Puerto Rico coast and parachute down to the surface.  He wants to check the water temperature, wave speed and Hurricane induced super currents before swimming to land. He also doesn’t want to waste time landing at an airport and going through the baggage retrieval process.